Shifted to:

fadingheartbeat

 Today marks the last day of term 3, gosh. As the old cliche goes, how fast time flies! Three whole terms with this half-eccentric class! But I guess I do not want the holidays to come, because as fast it comes - it'll be gone and EOYs will be here, and I'll be sec four - which I dont want to be! I love Nanyangggggggggggggggggg. 

 Training was tiring. But I'm very happy :)

SCHOOOL HAS BEEN A BORE.

 Progress report is out. And it's 12.05am, and Im doing Trigo 2.2 :(

I realized it's so hard to convey to someone that you really care. But I do! I do really care, and I believe that everyone else does too. That's how the world survives and spins you know. If no one gave a damn, we'll all be in outerspace, floating here and there.

Anyway, I liked my progress report's comments, by my results are quite disappointing. Need to BUCKKKK UPPPP! 

 Today has surprisingly been quite stressful in its own way although school was generally supposedly quite relaxing. I'm proud of our Herstory work <3 And I'm looking foward to GG/GE assignment because my group is amusing: Jesslene Yuxin Manda.. They were looking at salamandar/salamander (Oh no, Manda I can't spell too) pictures.. Or rather, deformed ones while we were supposed to work on Parental Guidance in GG/GE.

Our topic is funny. It's more limited than something like Crime and Innocence or.. Love.. and forgiveness? But nevermind, might be good to have a narrower scope to be defined :) Parental Guidance reminds me of INotStupid series by Jack Neo. When we typed Parental Guidance into awesome google search, PG rating stuff all came out. 

YX: What IS parental guidance?! This is soooo STUPID. There's NOTHING THERE. NO CHILDREN IN GREAT GATSBY!
MT: *gives the haiyahh MT look*
J and A: HAHAHAHA
J: But all adults were once children!!! Hahahaha!
A: Hahahaha!
MT: Yes, thank you! That is right!
YX: Pshh.

I love my deskies <3 Jo and Manda <3 We are always lost in Math and stoning and we have random talks too :) Oh which reminds me we haven't gotten our backrow seat shot taken! ...

Ok, I shall seek comfort in my bed :D

Teachers day this year has been quite high :D But I still preferred last year's! I think watching the performance at bird's eye view is the best, there's an aerial view! I didn't go back to NYPS this year, for various reasons. But nevertheless, celebrations in school was great.

Frosted Manda's cupcakes for her in the morning and it was half a flop because we kept dripping and Crystal kept squealing (hahaha) and most of the frosting looks like a total failure. Then we will use our hands to keep the frosting on the cupcake, it's damn gross. (That's why I told MT and MC that they wouldn't wanna know how we did the frosting) But the frosting tastes like yoghurt! :) 

Class party was funnn, there was an exploding Zappel drink! And alot of foooood, and music and random hugs. I think I hugged a million people that day plus Ms Tan and Ms Chua :) There were many photos taken too, though I dont know where a chunk of them went. Mrs Chang told the memo pad that I gave her was a scrubber. Oh gosh! 

The concert was quite cool, although some performances gave me the creeps because it was pretty corny. The Noose one was hilarious! I love the Chamber of Secrets :D Teachers' nominations are the same few people, but they deserve it :) Ms Tan was most inspiring <3 Agreeed! And Mr Lee most branded hahaha :) He could read the brand name before it was even revealed! 

Was contemplating where to go after the performance, because Kylie managed to guiltbomb me. But I realized I dont want to see some people, so didn't go back afterall. I think I'll be back next year.

I'm glad to have such great teachers :D I realized I miss alot of them.. Cailaoshi :( 
Ms Mok.. Mrs O.. Zhoulaoshi, Mrs Chua (..I dont think I'll ever get to apologize to her), Zhuanglaoshi, Ms Chooi hahaha I still call her Ms Chooi..
( Pictures under the cut, )

 Trainings have been tiring. But I've been very happy! 

(And muddy)

:) 

Sunday. I would very much like to repose in the tranquility of the night, away from home. I would want to sit in the same place our batch was stranded in during last year's chalet, in the bus parking lot in Sentosa. Everything's silent, except for the foreign workers working on the monorail. 7-eleven was open, and when we walk in, the automated bell detects our presence and rings, bringing some life to the quiet, dead place where everyone lies asleep. 

That is why I spent the whole night up reading magazines and watching the flowers sway to the gentle night breeze. Because it was time to sort out my thoughts. I don't have time to do this at night, or every night, due to the fact I usually sleep at unearthly hours and also because I will fall straight to sleep normally. I enjoyed just sitting there, on the bench, and everything is at a standstill. Everything is different at night, at 3am at night. The usually speeding monorail is immobile, at the rentless hands of the workers - it looked almost tired too. The lamps were off, the paths which tourists cycle on - empty - almost echoing their laughters from the day. If you listen closely, you can hear the sea at work, in and out and in and out, swish swish swish. 

Eventually, it becomes a battle between myself and time. I yearned to watch the crack of dawn, the dew joyfully lying on the green leaves, and peeping at the sun's bald head emerging from the sea. But we were in Singapore - so just walking along the dimly lit paths down to the further end of Sentosa hoping to catch a glimpse of that orange ball coming out was enough. Even though we never saw it, the sand that filled the cracks of my toes were enough.

The little thrills in life are very enjoyable. OBS was one, no? I liked sleeping in our tents, thinking that it might be blown away anytime or some wild mad dog might decide to feast on our bags. Or just washing out cutleries in the seas, almost falling in yet pulled back by a kind hand of a watchmate yet ultimately still having oily cutleries. I loved reading the map, placing the compass on that laminated white sheet and taking our own paths, venturing into something we have never stepped upon before. And on the way, greeting the little bits of nature that whacked in you your face, but knowing someday all these trees will be felled and made into examination papers. The truth, sometimes, stings and stinks. 

I wonder what I'll grow up to be. But wondering, is just another way of setting ambition, perhaps a little too realistic to match up to the truth. We were having a conversation about JC subject choices, with people in 314, and it reminded me so much of choosing my subject combination in Secondary 2. After much deliberation and amendments, I ended up in HP. And now, I'm faced with the question if I'm to make the same choice of HP in JC? And what will that amount to? I have always imagined myself to be a teacher, but now I'm not sure. Maybe real estate, political geography, disorders studies, psychology, editor, government worker (Nexus?), or something that will make sure of Geography. I did seriously consider special education teacher, but I guess I'm not meant for that..? I might not have the patience I need. 

Chasing pavements;

 I'm hooked on You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift! 

Well, at least I'm not an addict of Gee or G-dragon/Heartbreaker :) 

Doing herstory scrapbook today after school was fun <3 BURNING PAPER IS EXCITING ^^ Everytime we see the paper burn, part of it die, turn to grey ashes and crumble on the ground or when we see the paper catching fire and burning far beyond what we want - that's the fun. Tore our blank pages, and ordered KFC and played youtube songs :D I loved the company :D Kylie Nicole Celine Charis <3

MPP debate was quite cool and stuff :) 

This is an oxymoron. The humanitarian side of me starts to kick in because of the severity of the situation, but I have nothing to say to myself. I just hope that this effort I make will be worth the run, and not just another act I'm trying to play up to. Because if it's so, I am really seriously washing my hands of her problems. This will be the last effort I make to help.

Think big, think big - that will be my motivation to the truth. I'm scared, and afraid of being misled by my own judgments to tell the truth. I know I WANT to, and I think I CAN, but being me, being a worrywart, I'm worrying. As usual. But it means I'll be extra careful in my divulging of information. It's gone far beyond what I can control.. But when you sink so much into stories that you weave, you lose it. You lose yourself in a dark, black hole. I've been there.

 I hope things get on track soon, because I've been way off since a time I can't remember. Interpersonal relationships are so complicating, and it seems to be only worsening with each step into a new day. People who were once such chummy friends now are both vehemently disliking each other. And I don't like to be sandwiched in the middle - but I'm, and I would like to say I dont want to take sides, but that would mean remaining nice on both fronts - it'll turn out to be somewhat two-face, no?

On another note, I can't understand or comprehend such ambitious dreams of wanting to win everytime. There are people, who just can't lose, cannot not be the best, and has to win in evereything. And when they lose or are behind in the line, they want to shift to another line to move up to the front again. I'm not making sense.

Training these days have been quite productive. Ms Peh told some sense into us. I caught for Jingyi the other day - it's been about, what - 6 months since I last caught? Maybe that's why the knee guard left some abrasion as a love mark on the back of my knee for me. Did 12 sets of fence batting today, my left shoulder hurts. We got back Adv Lit paper - not too disappoi

Almost the whole team 09 + 08 + rosalind + kim + teachers in charge + ms chin

<3

Her 3-inch peep-toe heels barely touched the surface of the concrete
before it was lifted - taking another step.
With fingers wrapped tightly around her steaming low-fat latte
the other hand held her black briefcase.
Walking down the streets in the drizzles
small little water patches formed on her starched black suit.
"Shit." she cursed, picking up her pace.
Faster,
Faster, and 
faster she went.
And so, past the old, begging lady she went
Past the weeping, lost child she went
coming to her office tower,
throwing her half-drunk coffee into the bin
Straightened out her suit
Looked at her silver small watch,
"Whew I made it in time."

I haven't been updating for ages, that's because I'm up to better cause! In other words, I've been rather busy. Maybe due to overload and sudden increase in workload, I've fallen sick (again). Was sick since yesterday, but I couldn't not go to school because of prize-giving so now I'm suffering the consequences of that. 

First and foremost, YSTTE was a success <3 
A huge success, if you wanna be specific :) 

Being a natural pessimist, I was worrying to the ends of the world about every single detail of the prize-giving. To others, or maybe Ms Teng, it may seem like unecessary worrying. But to me, I think that is what has enabled me and us to look into every small detail of this project, because of my nature for worrying it'll fail - which results in conscientious planning, and ultimately success. Till today, and now, I have never regretted worrying so much for prize-giving. It wasn't unecessary for myself, it is what pushes me forward.

For the prize-giving ceremony, plans have been made as early as the June holidays. Back then, what was proposed was a simple affair of distrbuting money in the school hall. That idea has now conceptualized into a grand, posh one in the school's much respected auditorium with 400 secondary three students, completed with VIPs from various supporting organizations. Of course, I worried if this was realistic and plausible. But yesterday, when I sat on the second floor with Michelle gazing down on the ceremony, I have to say: I'm exceedingly proud of how everything has turned out ot be.

Nothing comes without hardwork. I believe, and in my personal set of values, the importance of planning. I need to have a plan, to follow it strictly and work with rules. I'm not the most flexible person you meet, but I can try. And having said that, one thing I cannot stand the most is last minute changes. Planning, as I mentioned, is important - and has surely been a vital part of this prize-giving. From the numerous email correspondences with Nexus, NEB, the school management, our teachers in charge, the LDs, the English department, the NE Comm, all these reflect the hardwork placed into this.

I remember having even problems locating a venue and date for our prize-giving ceremony, and being reprimanded by Mr P Tan. Maybe that was an awakening lesson to me, that knocked me in the head, but I wasn't going to let everything fail at my hands. Then, came the many other meetings with Mr Tan, phone calls with Ms Teng and Mrs Tan, Rosalind and Ms Chin and so on. It is impossible, and I use the absolute term impossible, for me to describe and put to words the arduous journey I've had in this, together with the rest of the team. But rest assured it has never been a easy job to plan something like that. Nevertheless, arduous as it may have been, it has certainly been one of the most enlightening and brilliant planning process.

Just last week, I spent almost every break time in that English Dept meeting room with Mrs W, Ms T and Mrs T. I have been carrying a Mickey Mouse file around with me since last week - that is because it contains all the documents needed for prize-giving ceremony. I remember drawing out a document from the file, excited - waiting to begin the meeting for the day. I loved it when something is settled. So that was how my breaks were spent.

Even till the last minute drawing close to the prize-giving ceremony, Charis Jessica and I were still in the very same room re-editting our emcee script, trying as much as possible to draw in all the details. The planning for prize-giving has also proved to me how efficient someone can be if she sets her heart to it. I would never have thought of drafting an emcee speech. But Jessica Charis and I did in 2 hours. It has also taught me, to reach out to people. I had to call all 29 winners to inform them of prize-giving, to attend to queries and people with last minute changes - none of which I ever set out thinking I'd do. I definitely didn't think I can even speak to a stranger, let alone calling 29 of them whom I have never even met in my life. But I did. 

It seems to me that saying anything would be an underestimate and understatement of the amount of hardwork WE placed into it. From the times we took 3 changes of public transport just to get down to Nexus for 29 signatures by COL Lim, from the time we had those meetings in the room, from the time I actually had to be in 3 places at one time during the prize-giving, from the time of this and that and everything - Egoistical as this may sound, it's only something we understand. 

Having said that I'm exceedingly proud of our team, I have to say I was glad of my role in the prize-giving. What I mean is, I'm glad to be the backstage person, at least in this scenario. I would rather be the one planning, organizing and making sure everything goes right, rather than upstage emceeing or serving and talking to the VIPs. I respect all the VIPs and am glad that they arrived, but I think I'm just not the person who can strike off a conversation well with VIPs of honorable mention - I would much prefer to talk to people I normally liase or interact with - that's my disadvantage and weakness. But nonetheless, Mr Puvan and COL Lim were both great people to talk to! I spoke a little with them, and I'm impressed by them - alot! :)

I had a great time, too, talking to Rosalind, Kim, Mdm Chin, and the teachers. Mdm Chew was really nice too - she kept reassuring me it's fine for her to sit behind, haha :) Besides that, I was speaking to Cheryl, top winner in Cat A, and I found out that Mrs Tay-Yip Fong Ling is her teacher! Gosh, and she told Cheryl she knows me! I was shell-shocked. Even got a picture with Cheryl to show Mrs Tay! :) We took a group photo with Nexus, NEB and the teachers too :) When we took that picture I felt an overwhelming sense of pride - of our success <3

What was stuck on my mind was Mrs Tay though. She's now with Endeavour Pri - a new primary school. And guess who's the principal of the school? Mr Chia Soo Keng. He was NCPS' principal. It's great to know that Mrs Tay and Mr Chia stuck together and that both are on board to lead the same school. As I'm sad to say that NCPS has lost a great brilliant teacher and a wonderful principal, I feel happy for Endeavour that they have received such great leadership and teacher in their school. Mrs Tay was a great (lack of vocab) teacher, she appreciated her students for who they are and never looked down on me but instead recognized my (perhaps nonexistant) capabilities to excel - she pushed me on, encouraged me to pursue what I wanted, placed me in the Gifted programme with her abilities. I still remember the potrait of her that I drew for her, I will never forget it. Similarly, I will never forget and will eternally be grateful for her teachings and enlightening. I hope she has a good time over at Endeavour. Similarly, Mr Chia was a great principal albeit fierce. But nonetheless, great. 

What I also remember is the carefree life we all used to lead. My P2 - P3 years in NC were great. I was recognized, had great friends (despite the I dont friend you trend) and people loved us for who we were. Now, I'm not so sure anymore. What I once got to experience in innocence is no longer here - and I miss the times where we can just have no worries, return home to watch kids central and not have to travel 1 hour to reach school. Sometimes, I thought I will be happier in a humbler school, one that didn't have its name publicized almost to every ear, without having to withstand the "Nanyang ah? Smart la." each time - sometimes, I know and I think I would have been happier in just a school nearer to my house, without all the projects I've endured. I know I would have fitted right in. 

I just miss being a child sometimes - it's not the work now that scares me - it's the people. I slowly am opened up to the ugliness of human relations, of the truth of backstabbing, and the complicatead human relations. It scares me you know. After opening the door a little, sneaking a peep into the real working life through YSTTE, it has caused me to want to very badly shut that door. I wonder too, as Ms Teng asks me, if I'm learning about all these a little too soon? On hindsight, it might not be so. I'm fifteen of age now, and 5 more years - I will be out there - out there, fighting for my life. 

I think that's about it for today, but before I end my long post, I would really love to thank people who have helped me along the way for the success of our prize-giving ceremony. There are many people, and I really hope I have not left anyone out.

The team, Nexus - Rosalind, Kim, NEB - Ms Chin, Ms Teng, Mrs Tan, 314, Mr Tan, Ms Agnes Ng, Mrs W, Mrs Ting, :)